{We’ve Got to Adult by Ourselves} 5.1.2017

We’ve just had a really rough week and I want to get some things off my chest before they burn an ulcer in my stomach. Before I get started, I want y’all to know I’m not trying to sound like I’m taking our families for granted. I love my family and my extended family and my in-laws. But the moral of this story is that my husband, me and our boys are *my family* no matter what, and no matter how much my husband drives me crazy, I drive him equally crazy if not tons more and sometimes it’s okay to air dirty laundry. This is my blog and I’ll say what I want on it. Ha. 

We’ve got to adult on our own. By ourselves.

Rewind to the beginning of last week and we were arguing about something so silly. Our argument began that Sunday afternoon, as usual because the mister and me almost always get in a tizzy after a good church service. Damn satan trying to get all up in our bizness. Truth be told, we absolutely love our families, BUTcrap, there it is, I said it and there’s no going back now, we don’t function well as a married couple when we have family around. And we’ve had a lot of family around lately. Does that make sense? Yes, I know I’m sounding like the “B” daughter and sister and daughter-in-law and wife and whatever I am to you. I am owning it right now. Don’t even care. Going to ask for forgiveness after I write this post that’s going to come off horribly.

Back when we lived in Mississippi and just a few miles from everyone in our immediate family, Albert and I argued soooo much. Like, couldn’t go a few days without having a huge disagreement. When we moved to Baton Rouge in 2014, it was like a freakin’ lightbulb went off in the relationship compartments of our brains and it was like we clicked and could function as husband and wife! That was ah-mazing. So amazing.

Things went pretty smooth with a few bumps in the road for about 4 months and then me and the boys had to move back to Mississippi while the hubs went to Texas. We had put everything in storage in Louisiana and moved into an extended stay hotel before deciding whether we were going to Texas or Iowa… and then it happened… we got margaritas on Cinco de Mayo and the next morning I was “hung over” feeling but had only had like three sips. Oh, crap. Hello, Oliver and hello old comfort zone…Mississippi.

I’m going to be completely open right now, when Albert dropped us off at my parents house in May 2015, I had a complete meltdown. A grownup terrible toddler tantrum. I even threw his little plastic three drawer rubbermaid with all his undies and stuff down the driveway. Yep, raging hormones I tell ya. Blaming him for getting me pregnant {HA} and abandoning us back in Mississippi! I wanted to stay together, I didn’t want to go back to the place that made us fight all the time, I wanted to be hours from there with my husband and our family! That was not in our best interest because of my pregnancy and I knew that it wasn’t, so after a few months it finally got better and we survived. I saw Albert three times during my pregnancy from May to November. Three weekends. A week out from my due date, I told him I was going to drink castor oil until my water broke so he’d better get his hiney back to the ‘sip if he wanted to catch his newest baby. {With Miller, I drank 1 bottle of castor oil to induce labor. With Oliver who was a surprise gender, I drank 2 bottles of castor oil, had a pedicure, walked, did squats, used Fennel and evening primrose and NOTHING happened. He was born 4 days after Albert got home from Texas.}

Once again, my mister left to go back to work at 3 weeks post partum. This time he went to Iowa the state [I have to say “the state” because where we live now there’s a place spelled Iowa but it’s pronounced Eye-Oh-Way and the locals get really confused el oh el], 18 hours away, in negative temps and snow. I cried and cried and cried, behind closed doors of course. Nobody knows that I cry; ish is for babies. He didn’t want to come home because we needed that kind of money, and he felt like he really let down his company {which he did because of me, and I regret begging him to come home, I know I could have been stronger. Ugh. Stupid hormones.}, but he loves his family so he loaded up and was south bound and down.

Over the next few months, I prayed and prayed that as soon as our oldest finished Kindergarten that daddy would get laid off and we’d be able to venture out of our hometown once again. Woah, can I tell yall… TWO DAYS after Coop graduated from Kindergarten Albert was laid off! We spent three weeks trying to figure out where he was going to work and then it happened. Iowa, the state. We bought a camper, loaded most everything we had and he left a couple days later, ready for us to join him after my newest baby niece was born. We waited and waited and waited for Hallie G to make her arrival and she had plans for us! She waited to come as close to the 4th of July weekend as she could, so that her Uncle Albert could fly home to meet her then drive back up with us over that weekend. We made our journey to Iowa and after yet another crazy hormonal only-girl-in-the-family road trip, those were the best months in our relationship to date.

Now, we missed our family and we still miss our family. We love our family. Our parents and siblings. Grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces. We just do so much better when we’re not in a mix of everybody. Every one in our crew has such strong personalities and opinions, we raise our boys a little different and they’re high strung little tasmanian devils running around at family functions… not everybody can handle that! We decided in Iowa that we were going to make the best of holidays and family gatherings by inviting our friends who have become family. It all worked out until we went home for Christmas. For some reason Christmas is not as joyous and cheerful as it should be, maybe because it was 89 degrees this year? Maybe I’m just ungrateful and my negativity and borderline depression overtakes me and I can’t find the happiness I need in order to enjoy the holiday? Whatever it is, I just don’t like Christmas. The holiday has become a twisted jumble of attitudes and fake smiles for the camera and anxiety…boy the anxiety.

We I … Albert went along with my crazy … made the decision to go home for Christmas, rather than stay at our amazingly cozy home in Iowa until December 26 like we’d planned, and we traveled from December 22 at 6pm to late in the evening on the 23rd [camper in tow with the truck, uhaul in tow with the mamavan] and we were back out the door of Mississippi by December 27 to get to our new little house in South Louisiana. I couldn’t handle anymore “family” time. It took a few weeks of mentally and emotionally detoxing, so to speak, before we were back on track again. Everybody I think picked up when we left, that I was unhappy and my anxiety was through the roof and I needed a break. Nobody came to visit for several weeks. We got back on track, the Littles got on a schedule and life was good. Albert and I were functioning as a husband and wife who actually love each other.
Now, it seems like we have stuff going on every weekend and we are falling back into a chaotic state of mind. I really hope y’all don’t think we don’t enjoy the company, we really do! But there is something about the way Albert and I have to get back in check after a long weekend that causes tension. This week though, whew, this week we probably could have benefited from a marriage counselor or a mud pit, either will still work. We have had a lot harder time snapping out of our funky moods and I don’t know if it’s just because we’re overall unhappy with the big grownup choices we’ve had to make lately or that I’m exhausted as a stay-at-home mama and letting it take over my mindset or if he’s stressed over work. I have no clue what our problems are, but I hope they dissolve quickly!

All this being said, I will admit I do get homesick quite often. I was reminded when I went back and read this post so that I could feel those emotions that I miss my family and I miss the porch swing and I miss eating at my grandparents houses. I miss all that! I don’t know if Albert misses any of it, he never says so and he never acts like he gets homesick so who knows. This is where adulting and spousing and parenting all have to outweigh our comfort zones. If I stayed in Mississippi and Albert traveled, we’d have been divorced or just living a flat out miserable life apart. We can’t function civilly apart, we can’t function civilly in Mississippi, but we do so well on our own as adults and parents together without interruptions. We had to make that decision to leave the nest of our hometown, even though we had to leave the crazy ones we love behind. And like every single other family in the entire world, I’m sure y’all got some crazy family members that drive you up the wall so don’t go blaming me for name calling or nothing. Y’all know it’s the truth.

Back to some positivity … my favorite feature of a Monday is that it’s a brand new day and a brand new start and a brand spanking new beginning for a better week! Plus, we were heathens and skipped church yesterday so that we could avoid that after-church-grump because the baby has a cold. Anyways, here’s to Monday! Here’s to a better week after a day full of absolutely nothing but arguing on Saturday and a day full of nothing but grocery shopping and an impromptu visit to an air show between Sams Club and Walmark, as the middle calls it, yesterday. I hope y’all all have a GRRRRReaTTT Monday! Oh, and it’s my birthday. Almost forgot about that! I’m taking the day off. Jk. Y’all know mama’s don’t get the day off. Happy Monday! xo.

26 thoughts on “{We’ve Got to Adult by Ourselves} 5.1.2017

  1. Tara

    Sometimes it is just best to get away and learn who you are as a family without anyone else around. Everyone has an opinion of what you should be doing and it is rarely the right opinion. God knows best and rarely plans as we think He should!

    Reply
  2. Melissa D

    I’ve seen our marriage mature so much after living hours away from family members for a few years. I think the tricky part is that we fall back into familiar patterns with parents and siblings (even though we are adults) and our spouse just doesn’t recognize us!

    I don’t really like staying with family too long because our girls get used to grandma walking back all of our instructions (no ice cream before bed—oh, are you sure?). Sometimes I just grin and bear it–grandmas are for spoiling, right? The detox period is always long and arduous, though.

    Reply
    1. Megan Clark Post author

      That makes so much sense, falling back into familiar patterns that our spouses aren’t familiar with or vice versa. Thank you for sharing!

      Reply
  3. Adam (bro-in-law)

    That was a good read and very true. We all need some separation from time to time. And I don’t know what it is about us and Sunday’s but it’s normally the same for us. This past one was our first, good, peaceful one in a while! While I am a home body, we are enjoying doing things on our on and learning to depend on each other more which has brought us a lot closer. Thanks for writing! Happy birthday!

    Reply
    1. Megan Clark Post author

      I’m really glad yall are getting this time to be away! Knowing it is temporary is good, it’s a vacation move where you didn’t have to go pack everything and you’re coming back to your home…. but you get the greener grass to recharge your marriage and grow little Hallie G Girl with just the two of yall. You’re really lucky for this cool adventure! Love yall!

      Reply
  4. Aunt Nancy

    Good post. I understand. Don’t forget that J and I stayed out of the area for over 7 years. Families can be loud, and crazy, and annoying (my family – according to J), but that’s what makes them family. Enjoy the togetherness time. Acknowledge daily that marriage is a choice. You have to choose to give 100% of yourselves to each other…two become one. Parenting is hard (just starting to figure that out). But God is good..Trust in His path. Prov. 3:5-8.

    Reply
  5. Maria

    I’m sorry it was so hard in those times. I will be the first to tell you though, that I feel ya! My hubby and I get into it at times when it comes to extended family. No I don’t hate them, neither does he. But it’s always a struggle with the extended family. My family literally consist of myself my hubby and our three children, thats my definition of family. Immediate family. That’s what you have to stick by, you only really go through everything with them. My hubby is away for work for a week in Mexico. So its hard! But we moved away from home 3.5 hrs away and I couldn’t of wanted anything more. It’s hard not knowing anyone or having anyone around for small help. But boy I relate to you with having to go through so much b.s. with everyone else but your little family. We sure just need to adult on our own. Experience life as a family on our own. There’s nothing wrong with that!
    –https://imommy.co

    Reply
    1. Megan Clark Post author

      You’re definitely not alone! We lived 3.5 hours away and got complaints why we didn’t come home more often… with an infant and an inpatient 5 year old! 18 hours away was joy. Lol! I have learned how to find a circle of friends wherever we go, we have several family friends now in many cities! Thank you for your sweet words!

      Reply
  6. Moma

    Love you ? Both!
    It’s ok to live away and enjoy each other & your children! Just pray for Albert & your family and listen for Gods leading! I told you it was hard being a wife and Moma ? But y’all will get back on track!!! Do NOT DRINK a margarita at the end of the week!!!! LOL

    Reply
  7. Ashley

    My grandmother gave me the advice, “Marriage is a Job and it sometimes requires overtime,” once and it’s true, lol! An awesome, special, aggravating, loving job, but it still takes work. I’m glad your family is stronger for all ups and downs.

    Reply
  8. Farwa Naqvi

    I kind of get what you’re saying. I’m not married but relatives visit several times a year (the ones in other countries) and while I love having them over, them staying just makes me so cranky and…well angry. Glad you can still find positivity in life. Wish you guys all the best ?

    Reply
    1. Megan Clark Post author

      There’s just something about getting out on your own and being grumpy when family comes around?! I’m hearing a LOT of feedback that I’m not the only one! That’s comforting lol

      Reply
  9. Jacquelyn

    For better or worse that’s what it’s all about. Although I am sorry to read about your difficult times, it’s nice to know you stuck it out and worked through your problems as a married couple.

    Reply
  10. Amy

    I can’t say I know 100% what you have gone through cause I don’t have a family of my own yet. I will say that my relationship with my fiancé does get strained around family and it is so frustrating! I love both of our families but he tries to be someone better than he is (yup, I said it) when he is around his and I make up for that around my family when he tries to do it then too. When we are on our own, we are perfectly fine with the exception of a small tiff here or there.

    Love your outlook on Mondays. I have to agree 100%!

    Reply
  11. Crazy Carrie

    I love it. Sadly. We miss y’all tons! but I now understand the “family funk” you talk about back home.. being in Maryland has helped us figure out what’s helping and what’s hindering our relationship. And I’m so thankful for how close me and Adam have gotten! I’m proud of all the hard decisions y’all have made for yalls family! I probably couldn’t do that..y’all are both super strong parents! And we love y’all!!!

    Now have a GREAT day!!!

    Happp burrrdayyy ter yerwww

    Reply
    1. Megan Clark Post author

      Thanks seesta! I’m glad that you finally were able to get out of town on yalls own for a little while just to see what I’m talking about! I miss yall and love you too.

      Reply

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