Gooooooood morning from the most inconsistent blogger on the Internets!
I hope everyone is having a great November Tuesday, but better yet I hope life is treating you fairly. After my last post a few months ago, I kind of went MIA yet again. Summer was upon us, my oldest spent 90% of his time with my parents and I just couldn’t bring myself to have inspiration to write anything.
Having had the Littles home all summer long by myself drained me emotionally and physically. Or so I thought it was them… late in June, apparently a little fish met a little egg and we were blessed yet again with a pregnancy.
I could take that story and spin-off in so many directions, but first I want to say that my heart hurt at the beginning of this pregnancy. Not because I didn’t want another baby deep down, but because of all of those around me who are struggling or have struggled to become parents. My heart aches for my friends who cannot have babies, I pray for them and my heart desires their desires for a little one to grow in their womb. I weep for them as they weep for a baby. That is truly the first thing that I thought of with the news of this new expectancy.
Second, I questioned God “WHY?” Why would you allow me to have yet another child, seeing how pitifully I’m doing with the ones that You’ve already given to me? Why would you cause me to have more stress in my life, knowing that I am drowning in emotions as a mother of three boys and two of which are very exhausting toddlers with one sensitive seven year old. Why would you trust *me?* You see, Satan has had my heart in his grips for the longest time as I have been a mother and I can see that clearly, but his lies ring so clear that I almost believe them. Tears.
Then of course, I haven’t mentioned this here, but I took a part time job as a registered nurse. That was going to be the answer to so many of our prayers, our financial prayers especially. You see, we’re not struggling financially, but living on a one person income in a town that the cost of living is much higher and the pay is lower than our last job in the Midwest, it gets frustrating when payday rolls around. A big issue this summer was the rain and it rains a lot in Louisiana, so my mister missed a lot of days. Then a hurricane came and knocked out an entire week’s worth of my husband’s pay.
My job came at the perfect time, but I also found out around the time of accepting my position that I was pregnant. Why, Lord? How are we going to save and be able to afford yet another mouth to feed by April. We still have two kids in diapers and we’re about to add to that?? I was really upset about this, because as much as I know my duty as a mother is best utilized by staying in the home right now, I wanted so badly to be able to have a purpose outside of my home. As a nurse. Where I’m needed.
I’m just going to come out and say it, I’ve been in a funk 6 out of 7 days a week for a long time. It could totally be depression or it could just as easily be the season of life I’m in with raising a family. Thankfully, I’m a little above the sanity line so that when I teeter to being too down in the dumps, I can pull myself out of it with the help of Jesus. I’ve had to call on Him several times recently and am so thankful for the grace he gives his children.
I’m also extremely thankful for the help of coffee, chiropractic and essential oils. Without using my essential oils, I would not have made it this far. As a sufferer of depression and anxiety since I was 15, trying out numerous different medications to “get my mind right,” and having some pretty terrible thoughts… I’m thankful that I can always turn to my wellness shelf and easily pick out a handful of bottles that just with the aroma from the lid, can ease my nerves and calm my mind. Heart racing becomes normalized and my breathing slows to soak in the therapy God’s gifted to us through plants. I’ve been blessed to get these into my possession early enough that I have been able to establish a baseline knowledge of how and when to use them to benefit myself and my family for the better. If you’d like to know more, don’t hesitate to ask!
Well, my Littles have decided to go crazy so I think we’re going to head to the park for a bit. The afternoon Louisiana sun gets so hot it’s unbearable! It’s already warming up outside, but this will wear them down nice and good for a long nap. We live for naptimes, yes we do!
Have a great rest of your morning and day! Hopefully I’ll get more inspiration to post again sooner than later!