5.11.2016

Happy Wednesday everybody! Look at me all posting three days in a row now! I’m feeling pretty accomplished. I just felt the need to share this because as I was vacuuming and Daniel Tiger was playing its theme song and the baby boys were screaming their heads off and Clarity YLEO is in the diffuser and I just felt like I have something big to say. This post is not geared towards anyone in particular, but if you feel that way I cannot say that I’m sorry. Also, just know I’m might bring it down to a level that I speak to my 6 year old at times. Hope this helps somebody, because I know if I needed to hear it then someone else probably does, too.

Have you ever felt like you have ruined your life and relationships over something silly? Have you ever felt like you can’t forgive or be forgiven for things that have happened? Have you ever felt like you are not loved due to things in the past following you around through life? I have. In fact, I’ve done all three of those things plus some several times and if it wasn’t for the grace of God I’d still feel that way.

For several years, like starting about 27 years ago up until about a couple years ago I was mean. Flat out, dog ugly mean. I was so mean to people who did not deserve it — my family, teachers and church family, my best friends, strangers, my kids, my husband, myself. I was not a kind person, yet I called myself a “Christian” and a believer of Jesus Christ. Which, I was, but I was not living a life he wanted me to. The enemy had overcome my mind and filled my thoughts with jealousy and hatred and lust and lies. Sure, I seemed like a happy-go-lucky girl on the outside because I smiled a lot and I laughed a lot and I was raised in a well-rounded family. But, I was lost… boy was I lost.

A few years ago I rededicated my life to the Lord. I was in a church that I loved because the preacher was a teacher and he taught the Holy Word in a way I could relate and understand. He reminded me that the enemy was a LIAR and CONFUSING and DECEITFUL and he HATED ME, he loved to see me FAIL! He also reminded me that there is TRUTH and FORGIVENESS and LOVE most of all in Jesus. Our Heavenly Father pours out a never-ending {aka it will never, ever stop}, unconditional {it does not matter what I do}, agape love. This is the love that we share with God; God will always love us…ALWAYS. We are instructed to follow His example and imitate Him. So basically, we are instructed to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Wow. So simple, yet so powerful.

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When I was baptized [for real baptized, it was true in my heart unlike as a child/teen when I was not right with the Lord], I didn’t tell anybody but Mr. C. He and I actually were in a very low place in our marriage and I wasn’t sure he’d show up that Wednesday night or how he’d react…to be honest I wasn’t sure how I’d react. I didn’t know if I’d even be able to live up to the standard I needed to because of all the wrongs I did and I was afraid I’d still be “mean ole sin-filled Megan” and nobody would care or take me seriously. While that may have been the case in my mind, I realize now that I don’t have to be perfect and tippy toe through life. I’m forgiven… I ask for forgiveness daily still because I mess up. I’m human, imperfect, and no matter how hard I try I still have bad moments.

Take for instance this morning, I got very angry with a man who turned in front of me at the red light on the way to drop C off at school with NO blinker on and I could have used some choice words, but instead I shouted out “JESUS” and stopped my words right then and there to set an example for my child. I still have my fits and times in life when I’m just Megan. No matter how hard I try to stay on the right path, I cannot do it on my own, so when I let myself get worked up on worldly things I fall down and need Jesus to pick me up. And that is okay. I personally need almost constant reminders to know that it is Him who is in control and not me.

So, here was my BIGGEST thought these past few days. What if my being mean or flat out hateful or being angry with someone was the ONE thing that kept me from getting to Jesus? Do you know what the Bible has to say about forgiveness? Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Or Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” What about Luke 6:27, “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” And very importantly, Matthew 18:21-22, “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” We are supposed to forgive seven time seventy times! That’s a LOT of forgiving that should be going on down here on earth.

Goodness, those are just a few out of many verses about forgiving and forgiveness. We are to offer forgiveness and love to those who sin against us, even if they are not sorry! What I’m trying to say is that I’ve had a hard time forgiving people. I’m pretty hard-headed and stubborn in my worldly self. I’m sure there are people who still have not forgiven me for things I’ve done. Here is my informal, public and 100% sincere apology for anyone who I’ve ever hurt or done wrong to. I am sorry. Please forgive me.

Being a daughter, mom, wife, nurse, friend, cousin, niece, grandchild, and human in general I have had a lot of times that I’ve had to ask for forgiveness, forgive and discuss forgiving. I thankfully have made it to a point where I’m at peace in life even with bumps in the road in present time. I am thankful for a Lord who loves me enough to forgive me of my sins. I’m thankful for the relationships that have been repaired through forgiveness. I’m thankful for a husband who has forgiven me more times than I {should have} needed it. My biggest point is that with the world the way it is and having no idea at all when the Lord is coming again, we have to get ourselves right. It won’t happen over night, trust me, but you can take it hour by hour if you need to [I’ve had to take it minute by minute at times], day by day, week by week, month by month to just TRY to grow in forgiveness and love. I don’t know where you stand, but I know that I only have this one temporary life to live here on earth and I don’t want to get it wrong and make eternally bad decisions. Make a small step, forgive someone today.

This was my message to myself as I was vacuuming, I wanted to share it with y’all! Thanks for reading!

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