Monthly Archives: April 2016

You Are Good Enough

Hey y’all! I wanted to first and foremost apologize for being MIA the past week! All three of my boys have been sick — Thing 1 had a virus he picked up from school starting Tuesday last week, Thing 2 had an ear infection, and Thing 3 had a double ear infection and RSV — so that exhausted all of us leaving me over-done and by the time I was able to sit down to blog I was nodding at the laptop! On top of that, my crazy unorganized self scheduled to work 3 days this week while my prime super sitter (my own mother) was out of town! Oops! Several times this week I felt like I am not doing life right, especially with a family of 5 now. And that leads me to this new blog post…

Do you ever sit and wonder, “AM I ENOUGH?” Whether it be for your work, your kids, your husband, your parents, your friends, your dog? No matter what you do and how much you try to stay ahead and no matter how clean the house is [or isn’t in my case] or even if you do everything perfectly, you’re not enough. I feel like this almost constantly, 24/7. I’ve come to decide it is one thing and one thing only that causes me to feel this way — Satan. He has it out for mama’s like you and me, women like you and me (for those who do not yet have children). Women who strive to do the best and be pleasing to God but can’t seem to get a grip on getting our earthly life right.

{Small disclaimer, I again will mention that I am NOT perfect by any means, I am not the best Christian woman that I can be, I sometimes cuss a little and break commandments and yell at my kids or my husband or random people who don’t use their blinker…I am giving my *opinion* and that is all that is, I’m not a formal writer or have a Master’s degree in Jesus or anything for that matter. BUT, I know that I am redeemed and I have been saved by grace, so that being said…}

Life goes on and there will undeniably be trials almost daily. Whether it be a sick kid coughing and crying all night long testing your every ounce of patience or it may be looking at your calendar wrong and really screwing up your schedule putting others in a bind to help you out. It could even be burning the bread for dinner and not eating until 8 o’clock at night when everybody is supposed to be in bed. These little happenings are usually not a big deal but when they start piling up they become overwhelming. Being overwhelmed plus sleep deprivation is usually never good for me, but sometimes I get a glimpse of the bigger picture when I’m off daydreaming in lalaland. As I’ve heard in sermons before, Satan is prowling like a lion waiting … just waiting to make you believe you are worthless and sorry at life and a horrible human being, a horrible mother/friend/daughter/wife. He is sitting back in the disguise of Facebook and Instagram and even Pinterest where everyone posts that life is all rainbows and unicorns and cotton candy. He is all over TV and the radio, sometimes in the workplace, out at the Walmarts. He’s in our very presence wanting us to believe that we are not good enough, we are not worthy to be parents and we are going to ruin our kids before they finish kindergarten [that’s where we’re at now.]

I must admit, I believed him. Having dealt with depression over the last 12 years {that will be another post one day} it’s really easy to believe that I’m not good enough. That I suck at life. That I’m a horrible adult and unorganized and sloppy and a bad mama. I believed him this week. And then I snapped back to reality. I am a saved woman, I have the Lord on my side and I know that no matter how Satan gets to me, I am free from his lies. I lack confidence in myself as a born again Christian, I know it in my heart and I have no reason to feel this way but it’s a struggle. I know that I am GOOD ENOUGH and I am LOVED and I am CHERISHED and I am WANTED. God instructs us to think about things that are lovely and pure and true ((sadly close to NONE of the things I have thought this past week have been that)) and not to focus on things here on earth. Even though we’ve been feeling down and out I have to be careful when I get on IG and FB and look at everybody else’s happy-go-lucky lives and I can’t compare myself and my family to everybody else or Satan gets an open invitation to waltz on in to make me believe his lies once again.

I guess my biggest message here is that I am good enough. You are good enough. You can’t compare yourself to others. You can’t let Satan in to bring you down and further from the cross. Even if you’re reading this and you’re not a believer of Christ, know that you are good enough when you feel like you have every reason to believe you are not.

I so wish I had a better way of working with my words. I hope that this message was not too spacey and difficult to read. Every day I have thought to blog and I wasn’t sure what I’d write about but I hope that just one person reads the four little words {I AM GOOD ENOUGH} and that helps you get through to relief of some sort (be it enough sleep or an important deadline, etc). I hope to encourage someone tonight. I want to share this SERMON that I’ve listened to at least 3 times that I hope is a blessing to someone. Also, know that Jesus loves you and He always has your back!

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TGIF

TGIF. Seriously, I’m over here thanking Jesus that it is Friday! This has been an incredibly long week. Between school then sickness then attitudes and late bedtimes, I’m d.o.n.e. Apparently the boys are done, too, because I overhead Things 1 & 2 in the tub earlier while their daddy was bathing them and C complained that M was “getting him all wet,” to which his daddy responded, “well, son, that’s kind of the point of baths!” [You know it’s been a long week when you’re complaining about getting wet with water in the bath.] I’m so done I’m ready to book a vacay to the beach by myself…well, I’d have to take the hubs I suppose…for a few days and listen to the waves crashing against the sand with seagulls soaring in the salty breeze. In my case, though, a glass of wine and Jurassic Park 3 in my comfy bed is the reality.

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Speaking of the wine, the middle boy and me went to the store today to get groceries while Migi was tending to Things 1 & 3, and I decided to grab a bottle of Sangria. Who can pass up $6.98 big bottle of cheap wine?! I usually can, but woah this week – need I say more? Just a little back story, I have gone to this store about 3-5 times in the last month and have passed up that lovely cardboard box stack of adult beverages due to leaving my entire wallet in the minivan and only bringing my important cards. Today I actually brought my purse in and I didn’t even need it. The little boy checking me out {I can say ‘little boy’ because apparently I’m old enough} was making small talk with Thing 2 when I mentioned that I had a 6 year old and 4 month old at home… He gets to the end of the conveyor belt and picks up the glass bottle and makes a snark remark about me needing it with my hands full with three kids. The boy didn’t even card me! All these trips to the grocery store, I’d been passing up a quick glass of wine and apparently I look well over 21. Or maybe he just felt sorry for me because I had on my “mom attire” consisting of husband’s shirt and ball cap, I at least wore khaki shorts today and not the usual yoga pants, and he knew that I needed the little bit of alcohol involved.

Oh my goodness. Twice I’ve been interrupted trying to write this blog post. The first incident of the night past 9pm, Mr. C comes into the bedroom with his hands cupped together saying, “you’ve got to see this!” Um, no! I was very nervous. He says, “Graham (the outside guard cat) had this out in the garage when I went to check on my chicken livers.” I crept slowly towards him rather than him coming to me sitting in the bed – whatever it is he had, I did not want it near my crisp white bed linens! I was at close enough distance when he opened his hands a tad for me to get a peep of a baby BIRD! We rushed to the garage to secure the feline and save the baby bird when I heard more chirping and found a second baby! Daddy-o wanted to share this experience with C so I loudly whispered across the house for him to come see what was going on, his response “but I’m sleeping!!” He did end up coming to help out with Operation Save the Birds and try to place them back in their nest…which is an extremely difficult feat if the babies are learning to fly! All they want to do is jump out of the nest. We sure do hope the birds survive jumping out of the nest, the cat, and all the other difficulties they may face in life! And I sure do hope that the video I took in order to have a flashlight caught a good shot of what was happening, I can’t wait to go back and watch it! Ha! My 6’2 muscle man of a husband standing on a pink stool in front of the trellis hanging on the front of the shop outside where the birds made their nest…memories!

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Once that was said and done, I made them get back in the shower and spray down with our “Tea Tree Hair Spray” made of my Young Living Essential Oils because we definitely do not want the little buggies that birdies carry all up in the house. YUCK! C was not thrilled about having to take another shower…he’d be even less thrilled if he had the itch from bird bugs!
Whew, everybody was finally back in their beds [forty-five minutes later], Thing 3 had a major diaper conundrum. I thought he was finished when I started changing him and he continued his business plus he began spraying his water hose all over himself. I mean, I know he can’t help it since he’s only 4 months but he goes like a 14 month old! The first bit alone was enough for me but nooooo it apparently was not enough for little man. He was smiling and cooing when I sat him up right in front of me when he began projectile spitting up all the liquid gold he had just guzzled down. Like, three huge forces of milk straight onto me, my pillow, the sheets on my side of the bed, my lap. I now know what it feels like to tinkle on myself in bed, it’s not pleasant. I got us cleaned back up, top sheet taken off the bed and a towel placed for me to lay down cause ain’t nobody got time to change sheets at 10 o’clock on a Friday night. *Side note, if you are a mama who feels you have to change the sheets immediately for any drop of body fluid, think again. Towels were not just made for the bathroom or the beach. They fold up nicely and will cover your sheets so that you do not have to fool with changing them in the middle of the night.

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Now it’s 10:45 and Jurassic Park is over and the hubs is snoring and I’m all like *Where’s the Rutavala?!* I need sleep. I need a beach vacation. I would even take a hot bubble bath for 30 minutes if that’s all I could get. Oh, and if you were curious about the ‘chicken liver’ comment a few paragraphs up, Mr. C had left them out on the back of his truck and it’s what they’re going to use in the morning at a fishing derby he is taking C to catch some big catfish! Also, a mama win for me tonight was when C was eating the BBQ chicken I made for dinner and he told me I make the best chicken ever. That really made my night! Okay now, the end. Goodnight. I’m done.